Experience the Pondus!

Wonder what it’s like carrying around an extra 90 pounds all day every day?

Well, sometime when you have a free day to kill go to the nearest Bowl America. Grab about six 16 pound bowling balls and strap them around your waist. Now sit down…and then try standing up again.

Noises will emanate from you that you did not even know were humanly possible. Noises so wild and raw that Marlin Perkins* and the gang from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom are  likely to appear with a net to capture and tag you.

Next, get in your car and drive home. Once you get there try getting out of your car without having to rock back and forth two or three times to gain momentum…bet you can’t.

Finally, walk up a flight of stairs. After you have retrieved your heart and reinserted it in your chest…offer a hearty apology to your knees for what you just put them through!

Jim

* For you youngsters out there Marlin Perkins was the host of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. A show that was popular back in the “olden days.” Marlin and his trusty sidekick “Jim” (does anyone know his last name?) would focus on one wild animal each show…the highlight of each show was when they would capture and tag one of the animals they were talking about…very exciting!!!!

 

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Fear the Pondus!!!

TARGETS OF OPPORTUNITY!

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Ok…who put the plate of Christmas Cookies in the kitchen here at work…do they not read my blog ?!!!! 😉

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The Embarrassment Begins

Holy Sh*t…I am huge…but we will get to that!!!

I am not going to use any fad diets, or any structured plan..no South Beach, Long Beach, Venice Beach, Virginia Beach, or any other “Beach Diet.” No grapefruit, banana, or smoothie only diet. No pureed liver and onion diet. Not gonna use Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Pritikin…in fact any diet you see listed here I am not gonna use.

What I am going to do is very simple…I am going to eat less calories than I burn. And of those calories, no more than 30% will be from fat. So easy why didn’t I do that before you ask?….well this is the reason

and this…

and of course….this

Ok…here we go (buries head in shame)…I weigh two hundred and ninety f’in pounds…..yes you read that right I weigh 290 pounds. Now I am 6′ 3″ so it isn’t quite as bad as it sounds, which makes no difference…I am huge, and at my age approaching dangerously huge.

My goal: 200 pounds….so yes I need to lose 90 pounds!!!

How am I gonna get there?

I am going to try and eat no more that 1800 calories a day, of which no more than 600 will be from fat. I am going to try and start exercising more…and when confronted with one of the above foods, after turning it down, throwing it away, or not buying it in the first place…I will flop onto my bed for a good cry (just kiddin…I don’t cry…but I will flop on my bed damnit)…but I won’t eat the evil thing!!

Tonight I will think of a name for this diet…something hard edged and confrontational…like the “Bite Me” Diet…come to think of it I kind of like that one…name it using the activity that caused me to have to diet in the first place!! Ok, no, I won’t be thinking about it tonight…I have decided on the “Bite Me” Diet.

Jim

Tomorrow: The “Bite Me” Diet begins!

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“To lengthen your life, shorten your meals”

So it has come to this!!! After years of attempting, and mostly failing, to lose the blubberous mass accumulating around my mid section, I have decided to use the possibility of public humiliation as a motivational tool to get off my fat ass and finally accomplish what I should have done 20 years ago.

So Welcome to Pondus Damnum – the blog I have created to track my progress. Here I will post details of this incredible new journey I am embarking on my attempt to quit stuffing my face with pizza, pop tarts, doughnuts, and any other high calorie, high fat, low nutrition crap that happens to stray into my gravity well!!

Along the way I will also post other tidbits that I come across (or that I make up out of whole cloth), that demonstrate the benefits of becoming a lesser person.

So kick back, grab a rice cake…and enjoy the journey, humiliation, pain, agony, well we will see how it turns out!

Jim

Tomorrow: “The Embarrassment Begins”

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